Welcome, stranger. My name is darmanius. It's only a nickname, obviously.

[BLOG] I got sick

 It’s roughly 10:15 AM, Sunday now and I’m in my bed with my tablet. Last two days were really unpleasant, because I became sick very suddenly during the Friday night. Thursday evening was absolutely usual - I did some homework, ate the dinner with the family, watched TV for a while, played with my dog and went to sleep. Then there was a lot of pain in stomach and a lot of throwing up in closet. Nasty. Doctor told me I have to eat nothing for a day or two, depending on how sick I will be; generally speaking, it is most probable that I got a stomach infection of some kind and it’s gonna be better soon, when my body will deal with it. Long story short, I was feeling terrible on Friday, it was better on Saturday and today I’m feeling quite fine and hungry. The worst thing about that is that I was doing practically nothing for whole two days - nothing of use, to be precise. There’s a lot of school work to be done and I also wanted to do some progress on my self-improvement program. Obviously, I didn’t go to the gym neither on Friday nor I will go there today, that’s a pity. I’m feeling weak and dizzy, but at least it doesn’t hurt much anymore.

  What I’m gonna do today is complete some urgent tasks for school (I doubt I will go there tomorrow though). That’s my No. 1 priority right now, since my grades are truly awful and if I want to make it to the next school year I have to put a lot of work into it right now.

  My so-called girlfriend bothers me a lot too, lately. We had a small fight for some reason a few days ago and haven’t talked since then - I attempted to break the silence, but she responded in a harsh and stupid way, so I just cut it there. Yesterday she sent me a message, but I was feeling a bit sick again and we were going to watch S3E1 of Sherlock in a few minutes, so I didn’t even answer that. It seems she was not alone there yesterday, because she posted some pictures of her friend and herself some hour after the message. Turns out they were just trying to entertain themselves and would probably mock me as it’s happened once or twice before. I’ll send her an answer later and see what it will be like.

  By the way, the new Sherlock episode was amazing! I can’t believe it took them so long to film it though. But then there was The Hobbit, where both Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman star… Well, anyway. I enjoyed the first episode of the new season, I still don’t really get how exactly the smart guy survived the fall. I had my own theory on that and I’m glad that it was featured in the movie as one of Sherlock’s thirteen different plans for that event (if you have no idea what I’m talking about, just watch the series). And the crazy theory guy, the one who ran a group of Sherlock Holmes enthusiasts called The Empty Coffin or something, reminds me of the overobsessive fans so much!

[BLOG] Late at night

Alright, it’s exactly 3 AM as I’m starting to write this post which I ain’t even sure what will be about. I don’t think it’s insomnia or some other illness, but that happens to me from time to time. Overexcitment? Probably overexcitment. I was reluctantly trying to fall asleep for nearly 5 hours, but that just didn’t work as I was in this strange half-sleeping trance, thinking about something and seeing images of previous days the whole time. 

What was happening throughout the past few days? First of all, there was this student conference held at our school, called PraMUN, which stands for Prague Model United Nations. There are some 500 MUNs organised each year all over the globe, apart from countless other student conferences, of which I have attended none. This year’s PraMUN, however, was the third one I got involved in, this time being a chair instead of a usual delegate. Being a chair means being able to control the debate, thus having the power over the delegates in the committee; it is also a responsibility. You have to have a certain level of respect, which was always hard for me to grasp. I tried my best, but unfortunately most of the delegates were bored and uninterested in what was going on in the committee, except for two or three of them, who stayed active and determined during the course of the conference. I didn’t sleep well, my suit was pretty uncomfortable, I wasn’t really sure with all the procedures. Long story short, I kinda failed there and that being said, I don’t deserve all the praising I received from my teachers and fellow students. Most of them weren’t even there when I was chairing and the ones who were probably saw one of the few rare moments when the debate was hot and active. Well, whatever. I’ll get better next time, cause I’m not gonna give up, right?

Among other things I experienced lately were countless minutes spent thinking about the girls, with whom I still have a huge dilemma which I found out I just can’t solve once and for all, because I’m kind of dating this one girl, but thougths about the other one keep visiting my head. I also think a lot about myself - my future, my worth, even my body, with which I am not satisfied at all. I also took up reading after a very long time. The book I spent time with now is the well known On The Road by Jack Kerouac, which I think is a brilliant book, a good example of how memoirs and other works based on real life can be done right. I love the idea of travelling across US so much and while living a semi-homeless life doesn’t seem too appealing to me, I would still like to give it a try. 

The only thing I still do with great pleasure is going to the gym. I love the atmosphere, most people there are very friendly and fair and I enjoy making my body tired and muscles hurt, each time taking another step towards a better body and healthier, fuller life. Unfortunately, my successes there are not as bright as I would want them to be; my strength at a moment heavily depends on how I sleep, how I eat, and how I feel. I only hope I will eventually learn how to master these aspects of my life - by gaining control over them I will also advance in controlling my life as a whole, which is pretty challenging. 

School bothers me a lot, too. I have a lot to worry about, because I started fully realising the fact my future depends on my performance at studying… And to be honest, I suck at that one. I know I have a potential, but my work ethics was never high enough - probably because it was never demanded from me, at least until lately. I never felt under pressure, partly because my family always did the hard work for me, partly because I am a lazy and flegmatic type of a guy. That needs a change too.

It’s a pity I update tumblr so rarely. Usually I don’t have enough time to sit down and write something worthy, and I’m not saying this post was worthy at all, I just sorta blurted out my sleepy, chaotic thoughts and feelings. I think I’ll try to do some brainstorming on how to improve my life, which I’m planning for some time now. See you later, whoever actually read this piece of meaningless baloney.